''THE FALL''

"THE FALL"

One night a friend in AA asked me if I could ask my parents if he could stay this particular night, his sister was having a party and alcohol and drugs were going to be getting used, he did not want to be around the temptation. All was good and we arrived back after an AA meeting around 10.00 pm. We got in and I put some music on and before long my friend said he had a bit of black (hash) in his pocket, I didn't even think about it, I had not had this stuff for the longest time. I knew I shouldn't but I thought ‘one won’t do me any harm surely’. Five minutes later I was lying melted on the bed, stoned out my box. I enjoyed it and I remember thinking I will only be able to do this every couple of months or so and that I had no reason to buy it. After a week I had used it a few times and was now buying it again. This is how quickly, how cunning, baffling and powerful this illness is. not once have I blamed my friend for this night, it was my choice or as I now believe it was gods will for me, this was his way of putting me back to sleep, using a friend from AA was a gentle way to start. I See this guy sometimes and our friendship still remains strong, some might disagree with the way I have given this truth and say "" That I didn't want to stop and there were things I had not dealt with"" I've heard and took on board a whole lot more suggestions to why I took that first joint. But this is my truth and how I see it today. I handed my will and my life over to the care of God not just for a time but for all time. I walked with God but he carried me a whole lot more. I cannot remember how long it took for this conscious contact I had with my Higher Power to be cut altogether, but going by my thinking when I took that joint and how quickly it changed from I shouldn't; to only every couple of months; to every day within a week. I guess it was not long. I remained sober or at least free of alcohol for another six month or so. I got 11 months at that time although different drugs came back into my life as I started to hang about with old friends and new friends I met. I stopped going to AA not as a conscious thing but as a slow cunning process I did not notice, the more I hung about with my old friends, the more I distanced myself from AA and my friends there. I can't say if I noticed this or not, the fact is, it happened, at some point I took the first drink.

Taking the first drink taught me how cunning alcohol can be, its power took me into some very dark painful places, I would be continually baffled by the things I was doing and putting my family through. Over the next 22 years I all but lost this spiritual experience in a haze of alcohol and drugs, I had only a few memories and faith in my god, I had no faith left in myself or others again when I eventually took a serious step in recovery. I now see it as a blessing that I can help others with. The spiritual experience I had led me to looking for a group or church where I might find others who had experienced similar things to me. George at some point told me he was learning to become a priest and the guys I had met outside of the fellowship started to go to Christian fellowship groups and meetings. We met Alex from south Africa he took us to the fellowship (FGB) meetings where we would have lunch and a speaker, then people would be asked if they would like healing, those who got healing were stood with maybe 5 or more healers, they would speak in tongues and performed laying on of hands. Some of the other churches I went to use these practices also. The Pentecostal church being one. I went around a lot of churches trying to find a group that gave me what AA did, the love and welcome and the full being part of a community, but I did not find these people. I went to the gospel hall, the brethren, the church of the latter day saints and many more none did I feel the unity and love I had received in AA, although each had something I could learn from, not one had the fullness of spirit I sought after and was gifted with in the fellowship of AA. The gospel hall and the brethren had age and wisdom, the Pentecostal had the laying on of hands, the Mormon Church had a ‘’cut all things addictive out’’ and smoking cigarettes was not one addiction I would be willing to give up, the Catholic Church had the ceremonial stuff. I went to Christian house groups where we would sit with guitars and sing praises to god. This was all great stuff and I met many people of different religions with different concepts. Alex who introduced us and took us to the fellowship (fgb) meetings quizzed me on my concept of God as I had reluctantly given any of what I knew away. AA had taught me to listen and learn. I said to Alex this day that I had already experienced something and that I had not found it as yet in any of the places I had frequented; he only knew that I had found this in AA. He told me to look up a passage in the Bible John chapter 4 verse seven to the end. This chapter was a revelation to me, it gave me the answer I had been looking for over a year and a half since I stopped going to meetings. I had read and heard much during this time about the bible but never was I shown or told what exactly I was to look for. I also read into, learned and practiced forms of breathing and heightening my spiritual awareness and psychic experience through a book that practiced bhakti yoga with different poses and meditation techniques, this is stuff I learnt and practiced on my own for a while. This was great but not having a guru or anyone I could share with, I soon gave it up. As with most of these other cultures of people and experiences, when I had found or not found what I was looking for I soon moved on to new things that came to me.

Love & light